On Fear of Apathy

In less than 4 months, I will be married to a wonderful man. A man who has been through many seasons of life with me. In the darkest of times and the happiest. Through months apart when he spent his freshmen year of college in another state, months apart when he did a missions trip to India, me having to leave home when I was 17, high school graduation, college, depression, many years of holidays, family gatherings, a time when I thought I was skilled enough to cut my own bangs (only once), and many more challenging and life enriching moments. 

The past fews days I have found myself to be filled with many emotions thinking about our wedding day and most importantly our marriage. Some of these emotions were expected but others not so much. I'll begin with the expected. 

I find myself in awe that I am spending my life with someone who I value and love so dearly. Some spend more than half of their life waiting to find the love that my fiancé and I have. Some would say I am lucky. Some would say I am blessed. I hold both to be true and I am so thankful. I can't describe the excitement I have leading up to this time of our lives and I don't think you can understand unless you have been here yourself. But there's also the unexpected. 

I feel worried and full of fear. I've been wondering: what if one, or both, of us become apathetic towards our relationship? what if we loose the passion of taking care of each others needs? what happens if we loose our marriage?

I've spent the past couple weeks reading books on marriage from experts such as Dr. John Gottman. In fact, there's two more books shipping to me this moment. I just want to get it right. I want to love my husband with the deepest love. I'm not afraid of conflict, arguing, or disagreements. I'm afraid that one day we'll wake up and wonder how we got to be a way we never intended. I'm exhausted trying to prevent something that may never happen but I've seen this happen to so many.

The question I ask to those who have been here before, is how do I learn to move past fear and towards a deep-seated trust?