On Uncertainties

From the moment I was a little girl, I knew where I was going. Even as my aspirations changed I always had a plan in mind. My dreams have changed quite often in the past 21 years of my short life. I've wanted to be a doctor, a singer, an artist, a dancer, a bakery owner, a fashion designer, a teacher, a pharmacist, a chemist, a counselor, an art teacher. The only dreams I've had that have remained constant are wanting to be a wife and a mother.

For the past three years I've had my mind set on being a counselor. When that opportunity was no longer available, I was unsure about what I wanted to try for next. I've decided to wait a few more years to get my masters until Eric graduates from seminary, and that is only if I want to further my education by the time he graduates. I've spent hours wondering what I can do with my degree that I will be passionate about and enjoy doing.

As I search for jobs, there are not many I've applied to where I believe I will make a difference in the lives of others. Most of what I've applied to are administrative assistant jobs. While lately I've been uninspired in light of job searching, I have been reminded of the administrative assistant who became a dear friend and is now my matron of honor, Mikaela. I am reminded of the difference she has made in my life and I am quick to take back the assumption that I will not make a difference in the lives of people if I am an administrative assistant or anything for that matter.

Eric and I both are unsure about the next step that we will be taking. We are unsure about jobs this next year, where his internship will be, where he's going to seminary, where we will be living, and so on. There's a lot of uncertainties for us the next few years but we can only trust that everything will work out. We will get jobs and find a place to live for the time being. But it's getting there that is stressful and leads to doubt.

I find comfort in the song "Your Hands" by J.J Heller. She sings so beautifully,
I am trying to understand
How to walk this weary land
Make straight the paths that crooked lie
Oh Lord, before these feet of mine
Oh Lord, before these feet of mine

When my world is shaking, heaven stands
When my heart is breaking 
I never leave your hands

Brandie Mae Owen