All-nighters. I've had many of these in my academic career. Very few have been spent because of procrastination, for I always plan ahead of time in order to get assignments complete. I force myself to do this to prevent myself from stressing to the point where my mind shuts down (which happens, occasionally). Instead, I've had many all-nighters because there's not enough time to do everything I commit myself to. I stay busy.
It began in middle school. While a majority of students took the standard math track, I took the advanced one: algebra in the seventh grade so by the time I graduate I can take calculus. I don't remember whose idea it was, my mother's, mine, or maybe even the school itself. But I do remember having an anxiety attack in the middle of algebra class and spending that evening hoping I never had to go back. I spent three afternoons for two hours a week after school being tutored in algebra and I disliked every moment of it. Meanwhile, I was also part of a handful of clubs that took up plenty of my time. I constantly stayed busy.
In high school it became worse. With the opportunity to take honors and AP classes, I jumped at every chance I got: even in subjects that I was not passionate about. I took honors everything: honors math, honors English, honors science, honors history, etc. I was in leadership of many clubs all at the same time: National Honors Society, Beta, Student Council, Art, FCA, My senior year, when everyone would hangout after school, I spent all of my time working on AP chemistry, honors physics, honors English, honors pre-calculus, senior project, and managing events for clubs. When my youth group would take trips to relax and reflect, I would have my nose buried deep in an AP chemistry or physics book. I constantly stayed busy.
College has been no different for me. I entered Campbell University and started filling up my schedule once again. I have taken 18 credit hours for three semesters and twenty-two this past. I've had at least 1 paper, 1 presentation, and 2 tests every week this year. Also, I have taken summer classes every, single, summer. As if that was not enough I also have three jobs on campus and a lovely fiance who I try to spend time with every free chance I have (which has not been very often). On top of all this, I applied to graduate school. Although I was offered two interviews, I was not admitted into the program.
While it may seem as thought I would be disappointed, I am so thankful.
A few days after I had my interviews I began to hope that I wouldn't get accepted. I knew that if I was, I would go, and I would have no choice but to be busy.
For a majority of my life I have been living in the sin of slothfulness. Slothfulness goes beyond being physically lazy. Busyness is another form of slothfulness, moral laziness. I commit myself to too many things because if my schedule is left open I do not know what to do with myself. When I'm busy, there's no time for self-reflection, spending time with those I love, being in the present moment. Slothfulness. Sin. This keeps me from living the life I was intended to live.
My fiance and I both decided that we need to give up being busy. We've decided that before either one of us commits ourselves to anything at all, we must talk about it first. I need to spend time with those I love and be in the present moment. I need free time that isn't filled up with papers or presentations. I need to be more connected to the life I am living. After all, it all goes by so fast.
This week I have had to stay up all night for many reasons: studying for exam week, working my job in the library from 12am-7am, finishing papers, and so on. But yesterday, I stopped to look at the beautiful sky, the shining sun, and this tree that's pictured above. I was reminded that I am almost to the end. My commitments are about to end and my chance to end slothfulness is within reach.
Brandie Mae Owen
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